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Columbus, MS...Pt. 1 by Philly
Went to Columbus, MS this past weekend for their 1st Annual Catz River
Rally. I guess what really got me down there was the fact that it was
their 1st annual and David Allan Coe was playing and it sounded like it
had good potential for some good-old-fashion-hell-raising like the way
things used to be and I wanted the t-shirt! (Don't usually buy into the
t-shirt game but on occasions - I've been known to get a little
sentimental)
Now being down in central Mississippi where Rebels are Rebels most
people from other parts of the country would have expected the toilet
paper in the crap houses to be red, white and blue but this just isn't
the case. Being from this part of the country, I can tell you that
real bikers don't feel the need to fly these colors at their camp. They
know where they come from, they know where they've been and don't need
any kind of flag flying to make a statement for them. Besides, if
anybody came around acting stupid - there was a nice little drop off
where the river was flowing by - nobody would ever know. And Muthuh, I
know for a fact - it happens all the time...
Anyway, this place was was back in the woods close to a boat launching
area right at the Mississippi/Alabama line. For their first, they had a
great set-up! The stage was set-up right there by the river where big
boats eventually pulled up next to the drop-off to take in the concert.
Barges went by and all the guys working on them came out on deck to
check us out and all the camping and a few vendors were back up in the
trees. This was my kind of rally! I was at home!! No stupid bike
games, no wannabeez, no 500,000 watt stereos blasting from every camp -
just a real cool bunch of good people!! They had a bike show and by the
time I got there, the bikes that won were still out there with the
trophies next to them. I should have gotten a new paint job a long time
ago cause I had more attention riding through checking everything out
than when I'm walking Patton and Tilly (my Golden Retrievers)!!
After riding around checking out the crowd, I pulled in where I wanted
to sit and watch David Allan Coe from. Turned out the guy I pulled up
next to had the same name I do (in a round-about way). Said his name
proudly with a real cute grin, "Name's Lane - out of Philadelphia,
Mississippi!!" I liked that!! (I like to hear a man say his name and
where he's from like he's proud of it.)
Well, if I had nothing else in my life to do - I'd finish the rest of my
story. But I do have other things to do so I'm gonna bail for now and
get back with 'ya later on this. As usual, it does get interesting...
Philly
Columbus, MS...Pt. 2 Dear Muthuh, Ok. So Lane's all kicked back on his bike drinking Crown Royal and Mountain Dew. He was emphatically schooling me on how Mountain Dew will keep you from having a hang-over. It wasn't long before all his buddies were riding up with their coolers and so we proceeded to get drunk. And drunk we got. David Allen CEO was supposed to come on at 8:00 and at 8:15 I turned on my ignition and played the first note of a chorus composed of about 100 bikes. Then all of a sudden, here he comes with a police escort. But I think somebody braided his hair too tight cause the man just wasn't what he used to be at all!! Actually, he was pretty pathetic. I walked up to the front to get a better look at him and he started singing this rap song about Rolex Riders and Wannabeez. That's when Jim Beam and I rolled over and almost died. The next thing I remembered was waking up and seeing the glow of the rising sun through the smoke on the water and thinking I had died and gone to heaven. All of a sudden I heard, "Here, have another shot of Jim Beam - you're gonna need it!" I was laying in the grass and my head was on somebody's chest. I spun around and raised up to see what this was going to be and it was some nice looking guy with a beek of a nose and it was real hard for me to look at him without squinting my eyes. He went on to tell me about how I was trying to teach this 19 year old girl (who had come over there by our bikes and was posing provocatively on somebody's bike with hardly any clothes on) the ways of the world and I ended up scareing her cause I didn't exactly go about it all in a way she could understand. He said I went over there and got up in her face telling all the guys they ought to just go ahead and gang-bang the hell out of her. Now that DOES sound like something I'd do and I know this can get controversial here and everybody has their opinion about everything but I was only trying to give her something "real" to think about other than how cute she thought she was. She ran around over there and hid behind her boyfriend. Then guess who had to deal with the hard dicks? EXACTLY my point!! These stupid little girls do that stupid shit! They get these boys all excited making them feel like they have to go prove something, too, only it's the women (those who don't act like the stupid little girls) that have to put up with and deal with the stupid little boy tricks!! Needless to say, it all gets tiresome and I'm sure that's why I felt that it was my duty to instill my version of "tough love" to this stupid little sistuh of mine. But, of course, nobody gets it and instead wants to make a big deal out of it so before everything got too far out of hand I just said, "Fuck it" and went on to find somebody else to play with. Carrot Nose turned out to be my Guardian Angel for the night. The police had roadblocks set up waiting on the drunks going back to Columbus so I , (needless to say) stayed there. Didn't get a crick in my neck either. Philly Columbus, MS...Pt. 3 I must have been in a hurry the last time I wrote because I sure did cut you off quick. Even if I hadn't of been the star in my own movie, I would have known SOMETHING else should have and probably DID happen. No, Philly don't dilly!! Can't "Philly Dilly" in todays world and that's the sad part about it!!! Old Carrot Nose was a class act - I will say that for him! We were both starving and at 5:30 in the morning there wasn't much cooking going on anywhere around there so I invited him back to by camp for some of "Philly's Famous Chili" (Funny how that works out - huh...) Anyway, I was hurting!! I was sooo exhausted from partying all night and the more he told me about all the things I said and did to people the more I reminded myself - once again - that I need to quit drinking so much. I don't know why it is but I always just think I'm having a good time - not that I'm DRUNK!! But the true ending to this story will probably be looked at like a tragedy - I ran him off so I could get some sleep. Really. Think I'll start collecting rainchecks. That'll be different won't it?! Philly  For Information, contact: jps@webefx.net
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